Letter to a Younger Me
Dear baby Amy,
Sometimes I sit by the water of the ocean, letting the waves sing to me, and I think about you. About us. And how far we’ve come—how much we’ve learned. I think back on our life and girl, I just want to give you a hug. Tears fill my eyes. I remember the heavy feelings, the lonely days. Its big. Big feelings. That cause you to feel small. I see you.
I wish I could talk with you—share things I’ve found to be true, ways I’ve grown and life lessons I’ve experienced. Can I share them? Maybe they’ll help. Or maybe you just need to experience them—that’s life, right? Either way, I want to share with you. So listen up. Here’s what I want you to know, in no particular order. Just writing as the pen flows.
Questions are a beautiful thing. Never be afraid to ask questions. Especially when they’re about beliefs, God, religion, truth. People will tell you not to ask questions. They’ll make you fear asking them—but that’s only because they themselves are afraid to ask. It’s not their fault, really. But don’t believe them. Ask anyway! When your heart tells you something is off, listen, then let your mind ask why—feel your way into truth.
Start meditating now, sis. It will become your greatest servant. I know it seems intimidating—but there are no rules to it. You can’t get it wrong. Just allow the quietness in you to take over, go within, get away from you loud brain. Chat with God. If thoughts, ideas, visions come forward—observe them. See where they go. Ask why they showed up.
Don’t gossip. Break this habit NOW. You do it when you’re feeling scared and small—when you want to connect with someone, and you don’t know how to other than talking about another person. This isn’t real connection, though. This is a hot wired connection. It won’t last. And you deserve deeper connection than this. Talking about people is boring. Talk about ideas, beliefs, space, angels, aliens, books, yoga, wellness, religions—literally anything! But talking about people and their problems is small and weak.
I know you love being tan. But babe, please stop wearing foundation colors that are 3 shades too dark for you. An orange face and a white neck aren’t cool.
You joke about being psychic to your family and friends when you know the answer to something that logically you “shouldn’t” know. That’s your intuition, mama! That’s your internal GPS. Your super power. You trust that thing and never fear it. It will serve you well.
Things don’t go away just because you don’t want to look at them. I know it’s scary to look at the shadow—but it won’t go away.
You and your “modesty” are not responsible for the thoughts of men. Men are 100% responsible for their thoughts and actions, just as you are. Wear what makes you happy! Wear whatever you want that honors this human suit you wear.
I know you hate when people say “less is more” when it comes to makeup—I know that’s a trigger, because you FEEl less without makeup. But less IS more. We’re still learning this lesson, I think. But I’ll tell you we get to the point where we’re just as confidant in zero makeup as we are in a full face. Actually. we’re more confident in nothing. Clean eyes, a bright complexion, your YOU showing through is beautiful. Don’t use makeup as a crutch. It’s easy to do that, I get it.
Being skinny doesn’t make you happy—being healthy (body, mind, spirit) does, though. But that’s entirely separate from your weight and pant size. Seek wellness first and always.
Not all friendships were meant to last. You can outgrow each other and that’s totally ok! Respect the opening and closing of relationships. Honor the friendship for how it served you both—but don’t grasp at something that’s no longer there. A friend breakup is worse than a boyfriend breakup. Your heart will heal though. Love them always, but move on when it starts becoming toxic.
The guru, the healer, the truth you’re looking for, is you! Your parents, friends, teachers, religious leaders don’t know best for you. You are the official on your life—so hold to your truth. You are the guide you’re looking for. Know that all you seek is within you.
Don’t trust men with monster eyes. This is a big one. This one will cause you trauma. Lot’s of trauma. So let me repeat it—do not trust men with monster eyes. If they hold you, kiss you, look at you and you see the light go out behind their eyes, RUN. Get out of there. Save your time for someone who sees and knows your soul. Someone who doesn’t just focus on your physical body. Wait for a soul connection.
When a man hurts you, it’s not your fault. You are not unclean. You are good! The men who are hurtful are just hurting so bad themselves.
Never believe a religious leader when they deem you “worthy” or “unworthy.” They are not God. Because God is Love & you were a creation of pure Love. You are ALWAYS worthy. Mistakes are just pieces of you that need healing. So honor your mistakes. They’re telling you what still needs to heal.
Don’t be afraid of those who are different. The community you were raised in didn’t have much space for “different.” But that’s the most beautiful part of life. All creatures are your brothers and sisters. We’re all one. When you hurt someone, you hurt yourself. When you fear someone, you only fear yourself. Seek oneness. Stay open.
When you feel lonely, even when you’re surrounded by people, it means you’re in desperate need of yourself. Come Home to You.
Throw the bathroom scale out! Eat intuitively. Do not (even subconsciously) count calories. Trust that your body knows best. Pay attention to the signals it gives you. If you’re hungry, eat! If you’re full, you don’t need to eat!
I know it was so embarrassing when your boobs started growing & you thought you’d be lopsided for the rest of your life. I’m happy to say that it only lasted a moment and you’re completely even. I mean… at least, I think you are. But who cares either way. We don’t. (I am DYING laughing at this one right now BTW).
Care about the environment. Nature. Animals. Know that there’s a ripple effect in all you do. Everything you touch, you affect. Never be an advocate for suffering—even in the food you choose to consume. When you spread love & peace in all you choose to consume, in how you approach nature—your life exponentially changes. Your soul wakes up after you do this. Also, watch two documentaries, Earthlings and Food Choices. They’ll change your heart.
Hug trees. It sounds weird, even now, its sounds weird. Haha! But watch what happens when you do. Notice what happens in your body when you connect to nature in such a visceral way.
Learn to date yourself. Love is found when you first love and respect yourself. Alone time is good for you. Don’t feel shame for that. You can love others but still need time away from them.
Remember, all are on their own journey of spiritual evolution. What’s right for someone else does not need to be right for you. What’s true for you does not need to be true for someone else. Stay in your lane! Respect all truth & the spiritual evolution of all. Everyone will make it. Just lead with love. That’s really all that matters.
You will feel homesick for a lot of your life—I wish I could tell you that we figure it out. We don’t. Not fully. We still crave home. Unsure if home means a place, a person, a feeling, or just nostalgia—because all those things can be present and you’re still homesick. But I promise we’re figuring it out! And I have a sneaky suspicion it’s because this isn’t home—this isn’t it. We’re not from here. Like I said, we’re still figuring this out.
When you’re afraid of something ask “why?” See what’s at the root of that fear. Usually its a shadow. Your fears are just a part of you that also need healing. And the shadows want to be heard—so listen with love and compassion. Fear is ok, but it’s not real. Fear is always a liar. So get to the root of it.
Don’t feel ashamed when other people would paint “self love” as something negative, something selfish. They don’t get it. Have compassion that their minds turn toward something dark and negative at the thought of loving and respecting themselves. Know that true love is NEVER selfish or self-serving. Because that would be love rooted in fear and scarcity, which isn’t love at all. If you taint the word “love” it’s not love anymore—it becomes something completely different. Real love is eternal, pure, generous, confident and can never be made ugly—love yourself from this pure place.
I love you. I’m so so so sorry I spent any time not. You’re worthy of love because you exist. Remember this. You’re worthy of love because you exist. Stand firmly in this truth. Life will be a wild ride, but you’re always always supported. Trust that the Universe has your back in this adventure. All will be well.
Xoxo,
Big Me
